The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
