This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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