I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
