You're a womanizer and a bitch.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
