so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I have post one night stand depression
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