end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
