fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
