Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
