I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
