dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
