remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
