his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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