I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
