I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Randomize
