you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize