fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
