She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Randomize
