I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
