He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
