I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
