You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
