Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
