Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
