Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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