i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
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Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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