spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
