To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
