I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize