Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
