I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
