I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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