just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
