Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize