i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
