Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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