My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
