Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
