Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Randomize
