erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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