we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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