Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
