you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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