She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
should my penis look like a turkey
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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