Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
