it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
you didnt know i had herpes?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
