we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
