i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I think I died a long time ago.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
