I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
