mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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