I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
