he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
