took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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