I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
When are your genitals available?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
