It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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