Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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