There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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