I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
They took my balls.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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