I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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