Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
