TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
