I was born with a shot glass in my hand
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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