It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
