it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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