He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize