i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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